not just a whim but a hunch

'I want to ride my bicycle' by Queen is just one of the songs of my 2 hr and 46 min playlist as I competed in my first bike race.  It was my reminder to just enjoy the ride without judgment or self-criticism.  That was my primary concern - how will this newbie keep from getting discouraged among a large group of cyclists for an entire 41 miles?  (Truthfully, I'm glad I had something other than the frigid 44 degree wind to worry about!)  I'd ridden the route twice before but couldn't possibly prepare myself for how to deal with my own personal expectations in the face of 600 plus cyclists.  I carefully heeded the two pieces of advice I received from the 2 people I've  known to compete: 1. hang back at the start and let others go ahead of me and 2. simply look straight ahead without checking to my left or right.  I breezed through the first 14 miles thinking only on those two things.  (Though I'll admit, I got distracted once when passing my spin instructor.)  I biked cautiously- taking care to primarily keep my mind game in tact.  However, at 14 miles something happened to change the entire ride.  At 14 miles, a cyclist passed me.  As he passed, I realized that it was the first time I'd been passed.  (I hadn't consciously been tracking that but some sort of internal monitor was.)  And I couldn't believe it!  I'd been so focused on protecting my psyche that I didn't realize I was doing well.  I was keeping up.  I had a good pace.  In that moment, I started to give myself permission to notice the other riders.  It was thrilling to allow competition to enter the rest of the ride. I began riding with confidence and my thoughts turned to feeling like I found something I just might be good at. The race didn't track times or positions so I don't technically know how I performed but I know how many cyclists passed me and I exceeded my expectations!  It has been a long, solo, unexpected journey to this road race and it was good to feel like I wasn't just chasing a whim but rather following a hunch - a hunch that I might actually be a decent cyclist.