mi heroina (9/2021)

Aware of Jack's Spanish assignment to make an 'about me' slide presentation, I became a little concerned when my screensaver changed to a terribly unflattering picture of myself. After years of similar digital silliness, I don't have to inquire WHO changed my screen but WHY. After connecting the dots, Jack admitted that I was in his presentation. I felt my stomach drop and readied myself for what I thought would be an embarrassing joke... 

...I was pleasantly surprised! 

Phoenix has my heart (12/2020)

Tired of participating by mail, I returned to Phoenix for a quick overnight with the rest of my sentimental gals. We're the last of a much bigger group who still participate in a yearly ornament exchange. (see picture of much bigger original group at the bottom of the post) Julie has corralled us for 12 years as hostess and we always spend the night both giggling and reflecting on life's challenges. Our lives have changed in so many ways since the days in which we relied on each other as new moms to young kids and as lonely wives to career- starting husbands. But these gals still have my heart. (Heck, Phoenix still has may heart - with all of its braggable sunshine!) 

yc with the boyz (6/2021)

David and I were assigned as chaperones for youth conference and were tasked with a group of 10 boys. 0 girls, just 10 boys. We raced around Omaha all day with them in a 15 passenger van in 100 + degree heat, in matching shirts... and loved it!

And we ran into Kindin a time or two. (and may have attempted to hault her progress.)

she dives AND swims (2/2020)

Kindin qualified for state this year in diving. It's really quite amazing that she did as a freshman - amidst a 2 week quarantine for COVID and a month away due to a concussion. She didn't have high expectations and we giggled that she placed 22nd because it was simply a delight to be a part of the big event!

She is also a fairly good swimmer and cringed when swimmers overinflated their contribution to the overall team. She often snuck in a swim race at diving practice with swimmers as they left the pool and she was sure to compete in the one meet where divers are invited to join the relays. She also participated in the summer swim league one more year. After having only attended only 2 practices all summer, she competed and we overheard parents exclaim, "He got beat by a girl", "she's fast", and "I got 25 flat over here!"

he's got wheels and he 'wrastles' (3/2021)

At Jack's first soccer game of the season, we heard the opponent's coach yelling, "Careful, he's got wheels."  Referencing Jack's quick pace and agility, the other team's coach was rallying his players to be on the defense. Jack really IS fast and takes so much pride in it. He also loves the art of a quick take down in wrestling. There's something magical about that 60 second timer - even though his grimacing mother feels like it lasts a lifetime.

dolly's tribe (5/2021)

Dolly found her people at the nail salon. In fact, Dalia herself was the main attraction.  The manicurist was entertained, the people behind her were giggling and Dolly was smiling ear to ear.  For her, the process of it all was just as exciting as the end result. In fact, her nails took much longer than mine or Kindin's did and we both sat in awe at how much she was truly loving it. Her and her manicurist discussed how the glitter would show off extra under the stage spotlights are her upcoming dance recital, they posited to wave with her hands backwards to show off her nails, and even discussed how the sound of freshly done nails clicking was the perfect base for a horror movie. As soon as we got into the car afterwards, Dolly said, "That was so fun... Can we go back?"  

duality (1/2021)

As Taylor began rehabilitation for cancer, simultaneously, Kindin began a friendship with a schoolmate who ended up being her sister. On intake, Taylor's mother and I realized that our daughters were building a friendship and awkwardly navigated confidentiality. As months passed, their bond became stronger and our treatment team saw a very poor prognosis for Taylor. It was incredibly difficult to play a double role in their lives during this time. Brooklyn never mentioned it, Taylor wouldn't leave the home in a wheelchair, and her mother forged ahead looking more and more tired every day. They refused counseling and typically refused to talk about it at all. (Except the one occasion in which her mother broke down in my office and acknowledged that she knew her daughter wasn't going to beat this but never whispered words like that again.) I felt like a failure as the treatment team asked for my guidance about how to encourage this hopeful teenager to rest and enjoy what she had left of life but I didn't have the answer. I empathized with hope and waited for an opening to refer them to hospice who were the real experts in navigating final days but they simply weren't ready. I wished to help them see the value of one last family vacation but saw a family exhausted and pushing until the end. There were many days at work that I felt like a failure. I also felt like a failure when her sister was in my home but uttering nothing. 

Kindin and I attended Taylor's funeral and I began crying even before the funeral began and found myself unable to stop all throughout. I felt as though I'd failed them while sitting next to my own, healthy daughter. I watched as Taylor's father buried his head throughout the service and wondered how this might change him forever. I felt a burden to take care of a sister who was now an only child and wondered how to talk to this mother who had gritted her teeth and kept it in for all these months. But there was laughter too. Apparently, Taylor was a big fan of bodily functions and often peed herself - long before her diagnosis precluded her to such. Her peers and parents related these stories and laughter filled the audience. Kindin and I talked considerably about those funny moments afterwards and Kindin emphasized my own issues and need for Kegels. It was a wonderful, cathartic release after a long few months.

A few days after the service, I happened to be on a step cleaning the mirrors and bathroom lights while chatting with Kindin. Suddenly, I missed the step down and ended up falling from countertop height - causing a waterfall leakage from my pants. There was a puddle of pee on the floor and Kindin optimistically questioned if it was cleaning solution. We died of laughter as I showed her the stain on my pants and verified the yellow pool on the floor. I thought about Taylor and her momma in that moment and how her legacy connects Kindin and I. 

i am titanium... with a jeep (1/2021)

Mom's fancified ears (complete with surgical grade titanium earrings) are now traveling around in a fancy, new Jeep! Getting to choose my very own car proved to be a rather daunting decision with Saab out of the running years ago. I guess, other than an out-of-budget Range Rover, I didn't have specified preferences. Dave was terribly disappointed with my haphazard, avoidant buying profile but I knew I'd be happy with low miles and leg room for the kids. (Besides, topping the van was not going to be difficult.) I ended up with exactly what I'd been borrowing over the past year - a copycat edition of grandpa's Jeep. Speaking of copycat, Grandma got her ears re-pierced too!