transparency: mom IS
after a long few weeks of wishing she would loose her first tooth, stover girl has made up a few she believes must be wiggling. with every new report, stover mom has tried a wiggle which results in absolutely no movement. a few days ago, there was at a conversation that went like this:
stover girl: i think my extra tooth might be loose. it was hurting today at lunch when i bit down.
mom: (whose radar has gone up since she's talking about her extra tooth- the one the dentist said to watch like a hawk for tooth pain or tenderness- but is keeping her cool anyhow) mmm. well teeth can do weird things. it's good you noticed. we'll just have to watch it and see what happens tomorrow.
retort from stover girl: well it was hurting yesterday too.
that evening, unknown to mom, stover girl makes same comment to dad who has no extra tooth radar and has not had a full week of testing out all teeth in her mouth for a wiggly one. he plays along (much like stover mom has a few times) and is excited for her. they dream about how cool it'll be if her extra tooth is the tooth she looses first! at the end of their conversation, stover girl whispers, 'don't tell mom- i told her and she didn't believe me.'
transparency: stover girl IS NOT
stover girl has been boo-hooing at school for almost every day for the past few weeks. (i can guarantee she is as i'm writing this post!) even after 2 weeks of investigation* (more on that later), i'm still fuzzy about why this little nontransparent girl of mine is so scared of school all the sudden!? *for posterity sake, humor my investingating as it perfectly illustrates the difficulty of mothering stover girl's anxieties. she is an intensely private over-thinker and over-generalizer so trying to figure out her mind is often like putting a puzzle together- one piece at a time. this is what i know so far:
puzzle piece #1 i was first aware of the crying when she was afraid to re-enter computer class after having cried in class the week before. i wasn't aware she'd cried after her visiting grandparents had left and that the teacher on duty (mr. computer teacher) had threatened stover girl's worst fear 'if you keep crying, i'll send you to the principle's office.'
puzzle piece #2 her kindergarten teacher let her skip the computers class she feared.
puzzle piece #3 saw computer class teacher at walmart briefly- nothing particularly foreboding or scary about him.
puzzle piece #4 reports 'i want my mom' or 'i don't like school' or 'school is too long' or 'i just want a hug from you' when asked why crying
puzzle piece #5 crying still occured even when stover mom was at school delivering birthday treats
puzzle piece #6 crying occurs at same time every day- begins at calander time and ends on the walk to specials class
puzzle piece #7 doesn't want to go to any specials class (not just computers) because they are 'boring'
puzzle piece #8 noted ambivalence about 1st grade and timing of crying concurrent with teacher talking about graduation from kindergarten
puzzle piece #9 anxiety about first grade seemingly relieved with introduction to first grade teachers, first grade classrooms, teacher awareness and bibliotherapy with junie b. books.
puzzle piece #10 stover girl reports that she wishes mom would come get her early from school and talks about a boy whose dad picks him up early every day
puzzle piece #11 crying decreases in frequency after consequences given at home.
puzzle piece #12 schoolteacher has not yet given consequences for crying behavior.
puzzle piece #13 cried in primary when teacher was absent.
puzzle piece #14 recently discovered that first grade fears are now centered on having to have same specials teachers again.
puzzle piece #15 is typically resistant to therapist moms' attempts to problemsolve and responds by shutting down
poor stover girl trying to deal with insecurities all by herself... i hope to soon convince her that not every unknown teacher fully intends to send her to the dreaded principle's office!
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