PR: the long and short of it

the short version: (for readers wanting a quick recap)
stover dad and i took a vacation from life.  grandma and grandpa were generous enough to watch the kids for a few days and we whisked away to a quick puerto rican adventure. 

the long story: (for personal preservation sake)
i wanted a vacation (always do), stover dad needed a vacation (rarely wants to take one), and my parents had booked flights to see us; we essentially conned them in to watching the kids during part of their stay and stover mom began making preperations for her dream trip to the deep south.  she almost had dad convinced but he halted the operation just as mom was pushing the accept button on the airline tickets. disagreement ensued about a vacation spot we'd both enjoy-especially when stover dad suggested going to a locale i always associated with dirt and crime.  he kept persisting same suggestion and stover mom finally obliged with just under 4 weeks to plan the trip.  stover dad and mom found a few adventurous activities that would help them feel carefree again and became excited for what mom thought would be a dirty, crime-infested adventure!

day one-  the short story:
rested during the red eye flight.  immediately went to el morro fort and and were delighted by the kites flying in the courtyard.  jumped in to authentic cuisine and left the restaurant hungry.  took a night walking tour of old san juan and enjoyed half of it.

day one- the long version:

• on the flight from orlando to san juan, both dave and i fell asleep before take off and awoke to commotion and instrucitons to deplane with our baggage.  apparently one passanger asked to get off flight and began looking through luggage compartments but then said he didn't have any bags.  had an extra security check, man in questioning, and with some uneasiness, we were on our way. 
• when arriving we checked in to the sheraton in old san juan.  we then began on foot to el morro.  dave stopped on the way to try mofongo from a food truck.  it was very fried- the first of many very fried foods we had in trying the local cuisine.  
• the kites at the entrance and courtyard of el morro was magical... and the history was fascinating.  (the 6 level fort took the spanish 250 yrs to build and was erected as a way to protect the route of the tradewinds and the route to the new world.  during a change of hands to the americans, they disgraced the grounds by building a golf course on it. a leoper colony existed just across the bay.)
• went to el jibarito known for its authenticity.  we tried the pork dish and plaintains recommended by the waiter and were disgusted to be served pork with arteries still in tact.  startled by a 3-4 foot long dead iguana in our path. 
• went on the nighttales of san juan tour with a guide who came highly recommended on tripadvisor.  debbie was quite knowledgable and taught us about croqui frogs who whistled from the trees; the blue cobblestone streets; the CC&Rs that stated 'you can paint your house whatever color you like as long as it's not the same color as your neighbors and has white trim and uses limestone materials'; why the stray cats are welcomed with catfood but we tired of her constant need for an ego stroke and were tired in general after about an hour.      
• were weary and hungry... ended the day with a subway sandwich!

day two- the short story:
boarded a catamaran for a snorkeling adventure where stover dad had fish eating from his hand.  got the inevitable tourist sunburn.  dinner cut short because of mom's sugar overdose (ie. too many pina coladas).

day two- the long version:

• our 51 foot boat named the spread eagle II (ridiculous name right?) first took us to a noninhabited island called Icacos where we practiced snorkeling in calm waters.  mom, who was new to snorkeling, was not freaked out by the fish swimming around her like she thought she'd be but instead felt a bit claustraphobic and panicky near the coral reef. 
• lunch was a buffet on the boat while sailing to our next location.  back on the boat, we reapplied sunscreen, dressed again in our cover-ups and hats, and mocked the sun-tanners on top of the boat.  and drank many more virgin pina coladas!
• we then snorkeled in the open water of the ocean which was a bit more difficult but much more rewarding.  we fed the fish with bread (okay not WE cause stover mom was a wimp but DAD did) and some ate right out of his hand.  it felt so relaxing to just lie floating. we were enjoying ourselves so much that we were the last ones to the boat. 
• on the ride home, we commented that we felt tenderness in some spots and arrived at our hotel to find we'd both gotten a sunburn all along the back of our legs- an area we'd totally overlooked!  (in addition, stover dad had a spot on his back mom had missed in application and stover mom had forgotten her back entirely.)
• we ate at raices (traditional fare with waiters dressed in folklore apparel). started with a plate of appetizers which was of course fried (fried bananas, fried 'root vegetable- like a potato', fried cheese, fried cornbread) and served with what was essentially fry sauce.  mom was sure to get another pina colada which was terrific!  after begging for a main dish that had some flavor we were told that most puerto rican dishes are not flavorful.  halfway through the salmon, mom got super sick and spent the rest of the evening in the bathroom while dad serenaded her with 'if you like pina coladas' by jimmy buffet.)

day three- the short version:

had a rental car crisis that felt like we were competing in the amazing race.  succesfully made it to the rainforest to zipline through the trees then hiked in the rain. walked the beach in search of lunch and settled at a dirty spot. later unknowingly ran in to a celebrity at dinner and stayed out taking in the ambiance of the mighty cruise ships.

day three- the long story:

• woke up with a bit of extra time to get our rental car only to find that they had the wrong reservation date for us and no cars available.  with the help of our concierge, we were referred to a company that could get us a car in a pinch.  the cabbie to get us there kept doing strange things that had mom wondering if we were being kidnapped: dialing the same number repeatedly and hanging up even with an answer on the other end, driving in a shady area of town, turning up the radio when stover dad tried to make a phonecall, referring to the wrong car rental company name, and denial that we were lost.  we eventually made it with stover dad's gps.
• after receipt of rental car, stover dad had to make a difficult decision to let stover mom do the driving since she's totally uanble to navigate.  our dialogue was reminiscent of conversations from the amazing race: ie. 'the only way we'll get there on time is if you let me drive!'
• were greeted by jaime and roqui (2 environmental science gurus) at el yungue rainforest.  took 2 ziplines (the first was 250 ft. and the second 900 ft.) through the rainforest (in which stover mom remembered how much she hates that feeling like being on a ski lift but also in which she squealed for joy the whole way across!), did a quick repel, and ate wild blueberries and mandarin oranges off the trees. 
• stayed in the rainforest and hiked la mina trail in the rain.  because it was the only 30 minutes it rained our entire trip, we loved the authenticity of getting wet.  what a gorgeous place!
• drove to loquillo beach to see the famous kiosks only to discover that we hadn't done our research and many were closed because it was a monday (go figure?).  sick of fried food or seafood, we ended up at a non-authentic, cat inhabited, graffitied hamburger joint.  it's fair to say it was our best meal on the island.  we didn't get in the water as we were short on time but we took a romantic stroll along the beach enjoying uninterrupted, spiritual conversation (the kind of time that captures visual snapshots in your memory). 
• rental car crisis continued when on return company insisted that we fill out an accident report for a 1/2 inch scratch found near the wheel well.  ('it's okay.  you were covered by our insurance so you won't have to pay for it.')  stover dad saves the day and saves the world from one more fraudulant insurance claim.   
• discovered that it really is a small island when running into our tour guide debbie again.  after catching up like old friends, she tour-guided us into a restaurant of her choosing for dinner.  we weren't sure if she'd leave us alone for dinner but she did with only one follow-up text about our evening.  at dinner, the piano man went unnoticed by us but others were being photographed with him.  after a quick wikipedia search, we discovered that the pianist was none other than THE carli munoz who toured with the beach boys for quite some time. 
• ran across the coolest coldstone EVER (the scooper literally threw our orders across the room to the cashier who caught it in the cup) and then ate on the pier watching in amazement as 2 cruise ships left.

day 4: the short version:

the travel channel misled us and departure from the island.

day 4: the long of it:

• we woke up at a lazy pace and headed to la bombera for breakfast- recommended a-plenty by tourists and tripadvisor and even the travel channel for their specialty in mallorcas.  seated at 9 am, we requested two different types of mallorcas and stover mom was told that they didn't have what she wanted.  disappointed, she settled on what she thought was a guava mallorca.  stover dad waited for his mallorca for 20 minutes before we questioned the whereabouts of his mallorca.  a very frustrated waiter replied: 'we have no mallorcas!' in true soup-nazi fashion.  when leaving, we noticed that the restaurant on the other side of the street was called the mallorca cafe where we discovered what a real mallorca was and enjoyed it thoroughly.
• we left our serene, laughter- filled puerto rican vacation... and came home to this:

(more serenity and laughter!)