Raising teenagers is not for the faint of heart. I recently ordered two self-help books, am downloading podcasts and just had a screaming parent fail after witnessing my 12 year old throw an object at his sister's face. But there ARE some things we're doing well thus far:
Sinking 30 grand into a boat and buying a truck seemed like a bit of a reach for the unbecoming waters of Carter Lake. We'd always dreamed of boating at the mountain reservoir but leaving Omaha isn't yet in sight. So, while we must irrigate our noses afterwards, days at Carter are a fun way to spend time with our teens.
A wise friend once told me to avoid carpools because it was one of few moments that you'll hear about their day. After being pressured to join a carpool, having a miserable experience, and squirming out of it with broken relationships as a result, I heeded her advice. (Even under constant pressure from next door neighbors with same aged children.) And I have found that she was right - it is indeed one of the only times I hear candid updates as they no longer deem them important once stepping across the threshold.
We gifted our kids monthly dates after not being able to implement them routinely otherwise. I felt it was a nice chance to connect with them on an individual basis- which seems to be their developmental love language. We also seek out opportunities for running errands with them individually.
We've been inclined to allow Jack to surpass the one sport at a time rule. Thinking initially that I was subscribing to sexist principles (and knowing that I likely am), I've found that he truly does needs more physical outlets than an allotment of one.
After my unfortunate hand injury, Kindin began doing laundry. It came at a time that she began feeling stressed about how to pay her monthly phone fee with a babysitting gig waning. It also came at a time that I realized the value of delegating a responsibility to my work/ family life balance. And she was doing a great job of it. Thus, it became a permanent solution for paying for her phone. When Jack wanted a phone, the dishes were reserved for him to help cost-share.
Kindin is an indecisive soul when it comes to clothes purchases. Erring on the side of understated and then constantly second guessing her decisions, there were clothes with tags being ignored in her dresser. I began resenting the 3 or 4 repeatedly worn outfits because I knew how many other outfits were being neglected. David thought of offering a clothing allowance as a solution to avoid the argument. It's worked perfect and eliminated all arguments!
In addition to what you'd consider commonplace cell phone rules, we also randomly and unannounced call for phone fasts in which the phone stays home. Our hope is that it dismembers the phone as a constant appendage.
Finally, there are a few oldies but goodies that I think still serve us well:
- In the rechecking of homework, Dad enforces 10 pushups for every incorrect answer - hoping that this encourages them to find their own errors.
- You're allowed to pass on what's provided for dinner BUT it will be tomorrow's breakfast.
- Dad initiated a no whining about prayers rule: if you whine ("I've given them ALL the time"), you automatically say the next 5.
- KEEP every ribbon and award won easily (and somewhat tidy) when hung from their curtain rods.
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